Happiness is something we all want, yet it often feels elusive. In a world that tells us happiness must be earned—through achievements, possessions, and external validation—it’s no wonder so many of us feel trapped in a cycle of striving, never truly content. But what if the very act of chasing happiness is the problem? Here are six reasons why pursuing happiness might be making you miserable—and what you can do instead.

1. Happiness Becomes a Moving Target

Chasing happiness often feels like running toward a finish line that keeps moving. Each time you achieve a goal, the satisfaction fades quickly, and you start chasing the next thing. Whether it’s a promotion, a new car, or a dream vacation, the joy is fleeting, and the cycle repeats. This phenomenon is known as the hedonic treadmill—a psychological trap where every achievement feels like progress, but you never truly arrive.

You’ve probably felt it yourself: you thought hitting that milestone or making that purchase would bring lasting happiness, but instead, you were left wondering, What’s next?

What to Do Instead: Pause and take stock of your life as it is now. Happiness isn’t something you need to catch; it’s something that shows up when you stop chasing. Think of those moments when joy has surprised you—like the glow you feel after yoga, or the calm of a holiday moment when you’ve finally let go. Practising mindfulness can help you access these moments more often by bringing your focus back to the present.

2. You’re Chasing Society’s Definition of Happiness

Many of us unknowingly pursue happiness according to societal expectations. Success, wealth, and recognition are often seen as the keys to happiness, but these external markers rarely align with our personal values. The result? You end up feeling like you’re wearing a costume—one designed to fit someone else’s life, not your own.

Think about it: every time you strive for "more"—more possessions, more recognition, more status—you may be dressing yourself in someone else’s version of success. Each new layer of societal expectations only weighs you down, making it harder to breathe freely or feel at ease in your own skin.

What to Do Instead: Happiness isn’t about layering on more; it’s about peeling away what doesn’t belong. Strip off the expectations you’ve inherited from society, your family, or social media. Ask yourself: What actually makes me feel alive and fulfilled? Focus on creating a life that’s true to you, not one that looks good to others.

3. External Validation Feels Like a Trap

When you tie your happiness to external validation—likes on social media, praise from your boss, or approval from loved ones—you give others power over your sense of worth. It’s like wearing a trendy outfit that looks great but feels stiff and uncomfortable. While external validation may feel satisfying in the moment, it’s fleeting and unreliable, leaving you chasing the next "hit" of approval.

Social media has amplified this phenomenon, turning likes, comments, and shares into a currency of self-worth. But this kind of validation is hollow—it doesn’t address the deeper need for connection and self-acceptance. The more you rely on it, the more disconnected you feel from the real, authentic you.

What to Do Instead: Instead of dressing yourself in the need for approval, try undressing the idea that your worth is tied to others’ opinions. Vulnerability is the key here—it’s like standing emotionally naked in front of the world and saying, This is me. It might feel scary, but it’s also where you’ll find freedom. True happiness comes from connection, not perfection.

4. The More You Chase, the Less You Appreciate

The pursuit of happiness often blinds us to what we already have. When your focus is on acquiring more—whether it’s material possessions, achievements, or accolades—you overlook the simple joys in your life. This constant striving creates a scarcity mindset, where nothing is ever enough.

Gratitude is the antidote to this trap. It shifts your perspective from “what’s missing” to “what’s here.” Happiness often sneaks up on you when you stop striving—like in those quiet moments when you feel at home in your body, free from the need to achieve or prove anything.

What to Do Instead: Start a gratitude practice. Take time each day to reflect on three things you’re thankful for. Gratitude is a way of undressing the noise of "more" and uncovering the joy of what already is. It’s a reminder that happiness isn’t out there; it’s right here.

5. Chasing Happiness Distracts You from True Fulfillment

Happiness tied to external achievements is fragile. It can vanish as soon as circumstances change or the excitement fades. True fulfillment, on the other hand, comes from aligning your life with your values and finding meaning in your journey—not just your destination.

When you’re constantly chasing happiness, you risk overlooking the deeper, quieter aspects of life that bring genuine contentment: meaningful relationships, personal growth, and the freedom to be yourself. Fulfillment isn’t flashy, but it’s lasting.

What to Do Instead: Focus on living authentically and aligning with your core values. True fulfillment often feels like undressing—a letting go of fear, societal pressures, and the need to perform. When you align with what truly matters to you, happiness shows up as a byproduct of a meaningful life.

6. You’re Wearing Too Many “Layers”

Every time you chase after "more," you add another layer of expectation or belief, hoping it will complete you. But instead of feeling free, you feel weighed down. Imagine constantly packing your suitcase for a trip that never happens. The more you add, the heavier the load becomes, leaving you feeling exhausted and stuck.

Happiness doesn’t come from adding layers; it comes from shedding them. The more you let go of what isn’t yours—fear, societal pressures, the need for validation—the closer you get to your true self.

What to Do Instead: Start undressing. Not physically, but emotionally and mentally. Strip away the layers of expectation and belief that don’t belong to you. Vulnerability, mindfulness, and gratitude can help you rediscover the authentic joy that’s been there all along.

The Bottom Line: Stop Chasing, Start Undressing

The pursuit of happiness often leads to stress, disconnection, and dissatisfaction. True happiness isn’t found by chasing after more; it’s uncovered by letting go of what weighs you down.

The next time you catch yourself striving for something external, stop and ask: What am I dressing myself in? Are you layering on someone else’s definition of happiness? If so, it’s time to undress. Strip away the layers that aren’t yours, and stand fully in the nakedness of your truth. That’s where happiness lives—not in the layers, but in the lightness of being authentically you.