In a world dominated by likes, follows, and endless comparisons, it’s easy to confuse others’ approval with genuine success. Social media bombards us with curated snapshots of achievements and lifestyles, leaving many questioning if our lives measure up.

This comparison cycle often leaves us feeling inadequate, doubting our worth, and second-guessing our accomplishments. But here’s the truth: chasing others’ approval is a race without a finish line. What if there’s another way to live—one driven by your purpose and values, not someone else’s standards?

Drawing on insights from the upcoming book Undressed: Strip Away What’s Holding You Back to Live Your Best, Purpose-Driven Life, this article uncovers seven telltale signs that you might be living for others’ approval—and shares actionable steps to reclaim your authenticity and start living for you.

What Does It Mean to Live for Others’ Approval?

Society often teaches us to define success by external markers like career achievements, material possessions, and social validation. This focus on external measures can create a “false self,” pulling us further from our core values, unique purpose, and true potential. The more we focus on others’ lives, the further we drift from the life we were meant to live.

Undressed explains that breaking free from societal conditioning starts with recognizing how we’ve been programmed to seek approval. These seven signs will help you identify whether you’ve been comparing your life to others and living for their validation—and, most importantly, how to take back your energy, focus, and power.

Sign 1 – You Look for Validation Before Making Big Decisions

If every significant decision you make revolves around how others—family, friends, mentors, or colleagues—will perceive you, external validation may drive your choices instead of your true desires. This can lead to a life that appears successful on the outside but feels unfulfilling within.

For example, as the author of Undressed, I spent years trapped in this cycle. My decisions were rarely my own; they were filtered through a lens of, “Will this please my parents, my teachers, my bosses?” I thought mirroring my father’s entrepreneurial path would earn his approval. But instead of feeling fulfilled, I felt disconnected, as if I was living someone else’s life.

When we constantly seek validation from others, we mould our goals, interests, and values to match what we think will impress them. This might create the illusion of being on the “right” path, but it sacrifices a genuine connection with ourselves.

Rewrite the Rule: Make your voice the loudest. Start small: choose a hobby or goal that excites you without consulting others. Practice prioritizing your joy and fulfilment. As you grow confident in your decisions, you’ll find it easier to live a genuine life.

Sign 2 – You Prioritise Image & Status Over Everything

If you equate success with accumulating achievements, possessions, or status, you may be caught in the endless pursuit of “more.” This mindset often leads to temporary thrills that quickly fade, leaving a void that no external accomplishment can fill.

I lived this way for years, chasing promotions, upgrading my image, and relentlessly pursuing qualifications. But each new milestone brought only fleeting satisfaction. The more I achieved, the more I felt the emptiness within.

Rewrite the Rule: Find fullness in the moment. Focus on uncovering your authentic self instead of adding more to your life. Begin by “undressing” expectations and attachments that don’t align with your true self. Be present, still, and free from external cravings. As you shift your energy inward, you’ll discover that the contentment you were chasing has been within you all along.

Sign 3 – You Give Your Power Away

When others’ opinions dictate your actions, self-worth, and emotional state, you give away your power. This creates a sense of unease and anxiety as your sense of self becomes dependent on external validation.

Living this way often leads to people-pleasing and blurred boundaries. Over time, this loss of control and direction pulls you into others’ lives rather than your own.

Rewrite the Rule: Set boundaries and honour your needs. Start by practising saying “no” in situations where you’d typically say “yes” to please others. Build self-trust by making choices that align with your values, even if they don’t please everyone. You'll regain control of your life by prioritizing decisions that reflect your true self.

Sign 4 – You Feel Lost Without External Milestones

When external achievements become the sole measure of your self-worth, you may find yourself in a constant state of busyness, chasing milestones that don’t truly resonate with you. This endless pursuit often masks an inner discomfort, leaving little room for rest or reflection.

I lived this way for years, chasing the dopamine hit of achievements without considering whether they aligned with my purpose. My energy was scattered, delaying my path to true fulfilment.

Rewrite the Rule: Learn to be still. Spend time connecting with intrinsic goals that align with your authentic mission. Focus on milestones that reflect your core values, creating a fulfilling path that nourishes your inner self rather than simply ticking boxes.

Sign 5 – You’ve Lost Your Sense of Self

Societal conditioning can disconnect you from your core purpose, passions, and values. The pressure to conform to trends or meet others’ expectations often pulls us away from our authentic selves.

I’ve seen this often in clients who mould themselves to fit new relationships, environments, or roles, losing touch with their identity. Without a rooted sense of self, decisions feel daunting, and life can feel empty.

Rewrite the Rule: Reconnect with your real self. Explore activities that resonate with your authentic self—journal about moments that bring you joy or revisit past hobbies that made you feel alive. Embracing your unique identity will help you make aligned choices and rediscover your true self.

Sign 6 – You Feel Pressure to Keep Up with Others’ Successes

Comparison is a trap, especially in today’s social media-driven world. Measuring your life against others’ visible achievements only amplifies insecurities and dissatisfaction.

We often see the highlights of others’ lives but miss the sacrifices and struggles behind them. Success is deeply personal and should be defined by what aligns with your values and aspirations—not someone else’s standards.

Rewrite the Rule: Redefine success for yourself. Turn your attention inward and focus on creating success that aligns with your unique goals. The less you compare, the more energy you’ll have to build the life you truly want.

Sign 7 – You’re Afraid of Choosing Your Unique Path

Fear of judgment or stepping outside societal norms can keep you from pursuing an unconventional but fulfilling path. It’s easy to feel selfish or uncertain when diverging from the expectations of those around you.

However, true happiness comes from charting a course that reflects your passions and purpose. Stepping into a life on your terms may feel uncomfortable, but it’s worth it.

Rewrite the Rule: Trust your unique path. Visualize your ideal life and take steps to align with it, even if unconventional. Surround yourself with like-minded people and seek guidance from mentors who can help you navigate transitions. Change is uncomfortable, but it’s also the gateway to growth.

Start Living for Yourself Today

Living authentically is a journey, not a quick fix. It begins with self-awareness and the willingness to shed layers of societal conditioning. Whether you’re a professional or navigating personal challenges, you can redefine success by reclaiming your energy, focus, and power, setting intrinsic goals, and prioritising joy over validation.

Success is subjective—what it means to one person may differ from another. It’s time to embrace your values and aspirations. Ready to take the first step? Book a complimentary alignment call today, and let’s work together to create a life that reflects your true potential and radical authenticity.